Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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