I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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