can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
