well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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