Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
