Just fell off a train. Bad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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