I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize