I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
