you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Randomize
