Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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