What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
