Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
