i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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