Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
