I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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