I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
