never play flip cup with pint glasses
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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