For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
