I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
