We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
