just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
