One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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