yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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