shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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