I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize