Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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