He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
