hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
