genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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