I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
