Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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