I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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