we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
