dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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