if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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