i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
