He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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