I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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