what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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