my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
