i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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