I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
