we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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