forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
