She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
