even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize