he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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