thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
