im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
