I feel like I'm in dance class right now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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