You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
