forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
