I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
