we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
