so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
