a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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