I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
