Where did you get a picture of my penis
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
