So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
