I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
