She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
