Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
