did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
