i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
