R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
